Coward

Yes, i'm a coward. I have a past that i'm not proud of.. everyone does, but at least some are brave enough to share that and are strong enough to accept it and move on from it. I feel so inspired by a particular friend that has shared something so private and I so wish I could do that. I think i'd feel so much weight lift off, which I reallllly need to do. Yet i'm still such a coward that I can't 'man up' and do the same. I wish I had the strength. I want to be honest. I want to tell everyone so that they know i'm not perfect, that im in fact far from it.

Alot further from it then my family and friends think. I'm sick and tired from lying.

I have a tatto on my wrist.. it's a chinese symbol that means Pure. Far from what I was or am today, straight after my craziness I hated it because it reminded me of those times and how I was when I got it. But now I look at it and it makes me remember those days in the way that it reminds me never to go down that road again. Thats not who I was, thats not who I am, thats not who I want to be, ever ever again.

Perhaps I will share with you all one day what I have been through, but it takes alot for me to look into it and remember it let alone talk about, let alone share it with everyone and get it all out. Things I have never told anybody. I know without it I wouldnt be the person I am today and without it there will be no point in blogging if I am not completely honest with myself..

So just know this much when you next talk to me or see me. Theres things I have done that i'm not proud of. So please dont think i'm perfect or even close to it.
But that i wanted you to know this much because I do want you to know the real me.
The real Sonya.